Sunday, September 29, 2013

dear friend

My dear friend,

My excitement was bubbling up, as I was about to see you after a few weeks of trying to work with conflicting schedules.

Now I am left with a deep longing and filled with grief and sadness.

Your voice revealed a tiredness that could not easily be slept away. Your eyes expressed a turmoil and even your smile seemed faded.

I am not ever going to fully understand the pain, but I hurt because you are hurting. I have had my own battles and understand overwhelming emotional and spiritual darkness, emptiness, questions, uncertainty.
If only I could sit next to you, and what I would give to place my arms around you.

But instead, I hope my words are enough. I pray. I pray that God will reveal himself to you, in a very real and powerful way. I pray that you find comfort in Him, that you will know the hope He offers.

Disappointment, expectations and mistakes have burdened my life. I want you to know that you don't have to be bound and defined by them.

1 Timothy 1:14-16. Our God is the God who gives life to the dead and calls things that are not as though they are (Romans 4:17). Romans 6:18.

I also want you to know that you are beautiful. We have a Heavenly Father who is precious and beautiful. He loved you so much that he pursues you and wants you; He sent Jesus Christ who gave his life and sacrificed it for YOU! He has made you new! You deserve someone who recognizes your value and beauty, who fears the Lord, and who can love you with a sacrificing and selfless love that come from God.

"All beautiful you are, my darling; there is no flaw in you" - Song of Songs 4:7.
"How beautiful you are and how pleasing, O love, with your delights!" 7:6

Isaiah 43:1-4
But now, this is what the Lord says—
    he who created you, Jacob,
    he who formed you, Israel:
“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
    I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
When you pass through the waters,
    I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
    they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
    you will not be burned;
    the flames will not set you ablaze.
For I am the Lord your God,
    the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;
I give Egypt for your ransom,
    Cush[a] and Seba in your stead.
4 Since you are precious and honored in my sight,
    and because I love you,
I will give people in exchange for you,
    nations in exchange for your life.

Wednesday, September 4, 2013



 The last few days I have been thinking of all the ways God has blessed me and meditating on everything I have been given.

Some of my journals I had contemplated burning. I pulled them out a few weeks ago and opened them - something I haven't been brave enough to do for the last couple of years. I am so glad though, my journals are a testimony to God and His grace.

My heart is thankful night because I was flipping through my prayer journal when I was struck by God's faithfulness and how He has always, always, always heard my cries and provided!

On 6/14/09, I asked for a friend that I could trust in that loves the Lord. It was during this time that Megan came into my life.

On 12/28/12, I was questioning why we only go out, serve and 'pray and give to strangers' on Christmas and why my daily lifestyle is filled with selfishness. It was a few months later that Brian introduced me to the ministry of CHOP.

On 3/16/13, I prayed for opportunities to build relationships and to minister to the international students. I met a young girl by the name of Zen, and just recently my church has spoken of starting a ministry that reaches out to international students!

In the Spring of 2013, I prayed for opportunities to share my faith, and I got to share my testimony to my coworker and a friend!

God is so faithful. All of the times I have gotten caught up in my life, or stressed out, or comfortable and failed to recognize and praise Him!

After much time and prayer, a final decision was made last Friday, August 30th. Honestly, the last few days have felt like a dream. I am not sure what I am doing or what this looks like. I have built up so many walls and suspicions that it is now hard to get beyond them and to be vulnerable.

 Even when I have fears or insecurities, God reminds me to trust Him. He is enough.