Saturday, September 22, 2012

jumbled of thoughts

This will be a post that covers many things:

Speaking of many things, sometimes I wonder if my blog should have a more specific purpose, goal or focus. I cover everything from my thoughts, my friends, my outings, my outfits, food and faith. It seems so broad! I tell myself that this blog is just to look back on and to see my thoughts and pictures from different stages in my life...

Also, I am so sentimental. I love looking at the quaint towns and old buildings we pass on road trips. At the same time it saddens me. I sometimes wish I could have a job taking old buildings and renovating. I see so much history, value, uniqueness in those rotting structures. I don't see the abandoned, falling apart, lonely house as ugly or not even worth a thought. I see it holding a story that I want to know. I live in a neighborhood where all the houses tend to melt into one big menacing mass of brick.
This post makes me want to travel Route 66. I didn't now much about it before. Hearing of the crumbling road makes me long to go and see what it holds, before it is too late. I know that disintegration and growth is normal. (It was eye-opening when I was reading the old testament and realized how temporary nations are and how the U.S.A. is not perfect, of course, and not permanent.) I just long to know all the stories and history. I long to preserve bits of our past that has taken us where we are.

I ran 5 miles straight the other day, under 45 minutes! Second time I have ever run that distance.
 I remember 16 months ago joking with someone that I couldn't even run one mile. I wasn't kidding though; it was difficult and often impossible. Then I took fitness for life. I found out that I could run a mile. Looking at our final, I thought I had to run 3 miles - impossible! I realized I was wrong. Sometime last winter I got to the point where 3 miles was normal.
I hope the 5 mile mark becomes a normal distance to hit now! It is so awing to see the evolution of my running, and how much my mind factors in! I am thankful that I currently have the gift of legs and lungs.

School has been difficult to adjust to. I have been so tired from working that I don't have the focus and perseverance to get things done. My summer laziness might have something to do with it too. So far the workload hasn't been too difficult, but I need to pick it up or I will be in trouble. My computer app I added, StayFocused, has been wonderful! It has blocked me off facebook and bloglovin a few times now.

I am so excited to go and take some pictures; I have been forgetting to charge my batteries, or grab my memory card.

What little I know, and insignificant are my thoughts! I am going to end with this:

"How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand.
When I awake,
I am still with you!'

'Search me, O God and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way of the everlasting.'

Psalms 139:17-18, 139:23-24

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

my identity

 So, there is no better way to start a post then with awkward webcam pictures, right?
 This post is going to be about my hair. Just getting better by the second, right? ;-)
I remember being proud of the fact I had never dyed my hair, when I was younger. Then my sister started working at a hair salon, so I have gotten my hair colored-up many times. I sometimes wish I had my natural color, but ultimately I'm fine with whatever shade my hair is.
I've always been proud of the fact that I work with my natural hair texture. Sure I'll sometimes use heat on it, sure sometimes it frustrates me, but I am happy with my natural hair-happenings. Secretly, part of the fact I don't fight my natural hair is because I'm lazy. Don't go telling anyone that. ;-)
I remember telling my sister how I've always thought it would be fun to have a Julie Andrew's 'Maria' hair. We both 'argued' a bit about who had like it first, and who had dibs on doing it first. 
Sometime last year, I remember my sister asking if I would go shorter in steps so she could try out several different haircuts. I agreed.

So it happened.
Let me tell you, no amount of time will prepare you for this. I know it seems silly, such a minor thing to think about in the vast world. So many more important things going on. But I hadn't realized how attached I had been to my long hair. I went home in shock. After having my sister passionately state her feelings and my brother blatantly tell me his thoughts, I broke into tears in front of my mom. 

I've grown to like it; the low maintenance style and unique look.
However, I often find myself battle thoughts and worries; concerning what others think, perceive and judge.
I've coming to a realization that I have allowed my hair-length to define me.
No. I am glad I cut my locks off. No. . 
No. No. NO! 
I won't allow my worries and the thoughts of others to define me.
I am my Beloved's, and he is mine! I am His servant, His daughter. 

Monday, September 10, 2012

the scream

Let's play a game. Let us call it imagination. Remember it?

You are getting your nails done on a Monday afternoon. As you leave the spa, you notice a hair salon a couple doors down.

Of course, you have nothing else to do. Of course you are curious. Of course you want to walk into this magical building to get magically beautiful hair.

With a solid motion, you open the door and step it. A reception desk is in front of you, but there is no one to greet you. A glance at your watch tells you the time.
 "Hmm. 4:45. "

Just as you are about to turn around and exit, you hear a scream. Frozen, you wonder what it means.

A mid-height girl with short hair and a square, pale face and green eyes runs up to the desk. You see a flash of orange in her hand. You watch with amusement.

The girl has a smirk, a grin on her face, and is talking to herself.
"OH that girl! Sneaky fox!"

She briefly stops and looks around, but the room is empty.

 The orange paper square with writing on the back is given another look, as the girl remembers how it was given to her. She had been so unsuspicious, never suspecting there was a growth in it. A green wad.  
Small, unnecessary, unwanted, but purposely planted.



Thus concludes the beginning.
hmm. revenge? war?